Picture

Please bear with me as I continue to excavate my anger. Each level of acceptance and forgiveness unearths a new level of pain, and with it, more opportunity for healing. 

For the past week or so, I have been noticing old pictures of me in my memories on Facebook.  As they pop up,  I am struck with two thoughts. First, the memory of the photograph, which is always how self-conscious I felt in that moment.  How ugly, fat, and awkward I felt.

Then, my eyes see the picture. I was, in all of those pictures,  beautiful.  Far more than I ever saw or felt. Not hot, or supermodel perfect,  but certainly worthy of being comfortable in my own skin. Which I wasn't. 

Damn him, for squandering my youth and beauty.  Damn me, too.

This is a valuable,  painful,  and all too common lesson. 

I hope I don't forget.  I hope I never again  let someone else get in the way of me seeing myself. There simply isn't any room for anyone else in the mirror.