I received a phone call recently. A friend. "Can you come get me?"
"Sure. Where are you?"
"Home. I don't feel comfortable."
We had just been out with her and her husband. They are going through a rough spot, which happens, and had just been dancing together, looking happy together, which also happens. I have no doubt that he would never hurt or, or of his love for her. Nevertheless, I picked her up right away.
The next morning, my husband, too tired the night before to realize what happened when we got home, asked about it. I told him: They started arguing in the car, and when they got home, she felt afraid and called me to pick her up down the road. I said, "You don't understand what it's like to be a foot smaller than someone who is inebriated and yelling in a booming voice. Even when you are sure you're safe with someone, it's scary."
He got quiet, and asked in a small, scared voice, "Have I ever made you feel like that?"
"Of course. Dozens of times."
"But you know I'd never hurt you."
"I know. But in that moment...it's scary."
That was the end of the conversation. He was quietly more affectionate and gentle than usual that day. Pensive, seeking forgiveness for something he didn't even know that he'd done.
She and I can't be alone. Couples argue. We fight. We choose hard words in the dead of night, after a few drinks. It happens. But so does this fear. Even when we feel safe in a relationship. Even in a happy marriage.
